THINK ABOUT IT

ALL I EVER REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW, I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN.

These words are at the top of a wonderful bookmark I've had for years. It's an essay by the Rev. Robert Fulghum. I think he also wrote a book by the same name. I believe the essay, which I've been told is also a poster, sums it up beautifully. I read this to my United Methodist Women's group last month and they were unfamiliar with it, but were greatly impressed with it's simple wisdom.

In the past almost two years, I've been honing in on the small sentence within this piece that states, "Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody." Did you learn this in kindergarten? Or maybe from your mom or dad, a sunday school teacher? Most of us seem to know it from our childhood, it is ingrained within us. It can be called common sense, common courtesy, it's so simple, just say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

I've been paying attention to a man by the name of Randy Pausch. He caught my interest when he was first brought to public light as the professor dying of pancreatic cancer, who gave a last lecture at Carnegie Mellon University. I paid close attention to this man who is leaving the wisdom he's accumulated over his forty some years to his students in this one lecture. My ears perked up when he said it is so important to say you're sorry when you hurt someone, even if you didn't mean to hurt them, you still need to say it for their benefit and yours...wow.

Last month I read an article in the Lexington Herald that was headed Apologies Seem To Head Off Suits. A line in the article states that, "For decades, malpractice lawyers and insurers have counseled doctors and hospitals to 'deny and defend.' But now, some prominent medical centers are trying a disarming approach. By promptly disclosing errors and offering earnest apologies, they hope to restore integrity and make it easier to learn from mistakes and dilute the anger that often fuels lawsuits." Sounds like common sense to me.

Yesterdays Lexington Herald printed another article, on the front page, that was by Jim Warren, a local newspaper writer. It, too, is about the new policy that many hospitals have adopted, the seemingly simple concept that has become a model for many across the country. This policy includes apologizing and communicating. A statement from an involved attorney highlighted in bold print reads, "That felt good; that felt right; this is the way we're going to do it from now on." Sounds like what Randy Pausch said about benefitting after apologizing.

As a mother, babysitter, daycare provider, preschool teacher and finally, as a substitute teacher in the Henderson County School system, I always gently instructed a child to say he or she was sorry when another child was hurt. When they pleaded that they didn't know they hurt the child or it was an accident, I merely pointed out to them that this child was hurt because of something they did, intentional or not and it was their responsibility to apologize to the hurt child. In my recollection, the child always said they were sorry and the other child usually said that's okay. Children are beautiful like that.

Whenever a child was hurt on my watch, whether it was my fault, or not, I always felt terrible pangs of guilt because I was responsible for the child's safety. Of course, I always apologized when explaining to the parent how the child was hurt and exactly how it happened. The parents' response was always, "we understand, thank you for telling us what happened". One dad was extremely unhappy when a child bit his little girl, but I understood his anger. The general consensus was always forgiveness for me.

Now, my point. I was told that no one in the Henderson County School system apologized to the Owens family when Ryan Owens collapsed on the school football practice field in July of 2006. He later died. You can only imagine the pain the family has endured these past almost two years.

I believe if the coaches and school representatives had sat down with the family and sincerely apologized and communicated with the family every detail of what happened there would be no lawsuit. I believe through continued communication and public awareness this terrible incident could have prevented further deaths related to sports in this "win at all cost" atmosphere that is prevalent in high school sports. That's just my opinion, finally got it off my chest.....whew.

Have a great day, luv, Susan